Don’t Bite the Dentist and other Rules to Live By

While in hospice care, my mother and I spoke about her approach to her end of life.  I was impressed with her grace.  She told me that she “had to set a good example for her children.”  My goodness!  I guess you’re never done being a parent!  My mother had expressed her desire to be with my father for Christmas, and so she was.  A few days after we posted our December update, Mother died of her GI tract cancer.  She shared a birthday with Jeff.  Mother often said she and Jeff were "simpatico."  She told her hospice nurses about Jeff's BMT.  (Those nurses were wonderful.)  I think Mother found some comfort knowing she and Jeff were both in the cancer coterie. 

It turned out that the month of December was one of loss.  In addition to our new friend, Jeff R., who passed away in early December, and my mother, we lost a dear friend from church who was another of Jeff’s cancer compatriots, Bob.  We will miss them all. 

We were very happy to attend a 45^th Wedding Anniversary party for Jeff’s cousin, Rosemary and Ed.  We began referring to December as “Three Funerals and a Wedding Anniversary.”  Besides those events, we had quiet holiday celebrations with family and friends.  Keith was home for the holidays, sort of.  That is, while he was working for the local recruiting office, he stayed with us at night.  We may have had dinner with him twice, when he wasn't too busy visiting friends.  He has since returned to Fort Sill.

Jeff’s brother, Greg, called to wish Jeff a Happy Birthday.  Greg asked Jeff what his plans were for his birthday.  Jeff said that he’d been to the city for his blood work and later he had an appointment with the chiropractor.  Greg said, “Well, gee, why didn’t you schedule a colonoscopy while you were at it?!”  We did celebrate Jeff’s birthday with the kids on the Sunday following his birthday.  There was chocolate cake.  I made it.  It was fabulous!

Jeff caught a cold which caused him to have a reduced appetite.  One night, after noticing once again that he could only eat about half of his usual healthy portion, he saw an expression of concern on my face.  He said, "Are you worried about me?"  I truly was concerned but I could see he was eating something at least.  He is happy about losing 10 pounds or so as a result.  His cold lingers on and it has really wiped him out.  Fatigue on fatigue.  He sighs often and laments, "What are you going to do with me?"  I knew he was feeling run down when he did not offer to do a simple repair on a cabinet he made for my sister and brother-in-law.  

Jeff and I joined the Book Club at our church.  They tend to choose books that are available as audiobooks which is nice for Jeff; he can listen to them on his iPad.  In fact, we can enjoy the audiobooks together in the car or while snuggled on the sofa.  Jeff is mostly occupying his time with quiet, at-home activities but he did have a big adventure earlier this month, helping a victim of Hurricane Sandy.

My cousin’s church sends volunteers regularly to the shore to help victims of Hurricane Sandy.  Jeff was invited to go along.  I questioned whether it was a good idea for him to be among mold and crud when we’d already decided he should probably not volunteer for Code Blue.  Jeff said the germs from flooded homes are better than people germs.  Hmmm…  Well, he spent a day helping to remove wall boards from a home he felt should have been razed.  Still, he had an opportunity to speak with the homeowner who’d saved his dogs by putting them up on the kitchen counter and then jumping up with them.  They were still in the water but survived.  Jeff was glad he went and may try to go again sometime.

Jeff was notified by mail last week that he has been automatically enrolled in Medicare Part A and has the option to purchase Part B.  I suspected that he qualified due to some period of time having passed since starting Social Security Disability benefits.  It turns out that is exactly the reason.  He hit the 2-year mark.  It offends Jeff to be on Social Security - and now Medicare, too!  He was fairly irked by this news.

Our Gilda’s Club friends are doing well.  Lincoln (who was Robin Roberts’ neighbor at Sloan Kettering) was home for Christmas and hopes to come to our next meeting.  Janice is in the midst of her autologous transplant and is happy to give Jeff nanny tips as she is a nanny.  Michael celebrated his one-year post-transplant birthday.  Connie and George are as happy as ever to be among the blood cancer survivors.  Our former leader/facilitator, Marianne, is back.  She brings levity to the group.  Michael’s wife told us that Michael had, for some reason, purchased a chain saw from Amazon.  Michael has multiple myeloma and will never be allowed to pick up more than 10 pounds because his bones are “moth-eaten” and may break easily.  Still, he said it never occurred to him that he wouldn’t be able to use a chainsaw.  Later when Michael admitted he does not use a computer much, Marianne piped up, “Except, evidently, to buy a chainsaw on Amazon!”    

Last week Jeff had a dentist appointment during which Dr. Snead found a tooth that needed more work.  Dr. Snead asked Jeff to come back another day so he could work on that tooth.  His appointment was today.  Well, when Dr. Snead began working on it, he said, "Boy, did we open up a can of worms!"  Jeff spent an hour and a half in the chair while Dr. Snead attempted to clean out the tooth.  There was silver debris from an old filling, the tooth had had a root canal at some point and there was an infection Jeff was not aware he had.  Dr. Snead thinks he may have to see a specialist.  Another doctor?  Why not?  Jeff will have to add another antibiotic to the one he has taken regularly since before his transplant.  Jeff also discussed his jaw pain with Dr. Snead.  There is no evidence that Jeff is grinding his teeth so Tylenol was recommended. 

Last week we heard an adorable human interest story about two young cousins who lost the book they’d been writing together, Rules for Life.  It inspired the title for this blog post (and was a good reminder for Jeff as he headed to the dentist).  Here is a link to the story: http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/lifestyle/2013/01/child-rules-book-returned-to-young-authors/

Other news:  Jeff is considering a third career in child care.  He is itching to ask our young friends, Emily and Matt, if he can borrow their baby for awhile to test the waters.  He will make a super Pop.  In fact, he thinks he would like to be called - not Grandpop - Super Pop!