When a piece of new furniture is dinged or scratched, no worries. Its patina has begun to hold the story of its owners. Jeff built bunk beds and a chest of drawers for Son Kerry when he was about six years old. It has held memories of Kerry and his three best friends from the day they got it in their heads to scratch their names in the brand-new bed. We might have gotten angry at the time but we decided it was pretty funny. Those boys are never to be forgotten.
Friend Jennifer has taught us this lemons-to-lemonade lesson in a few ways. Where others might grouse and complain to the bakery if a name is misspelled on a cake (“Kenny” for “Kerry” or “Just put Jenny”…), Jennifer laughs and adds it to her list of funny mishaps. Her family also celebrates their lack of musical abilities at every birthday party by singing in ridiculous pretend-opera voices at high level and with great emotion.
Our pastor recently mentioned the centuries-old Japanese art form Kintsugi in a sermon. When a ceramic piece is cracked, the crack is filled with lacquer and dusted with gold. The crack is not masked at all but is accentuated, celebrating the history of the piece. As Pastor Lisa spoke about beautiful imperfection and golden cracks, my thoughts went beyond our spiritual flaws and on to physical ones as well: broken bodies and the golden crack-fillers who donate their bone marrow.
According to this website https://mymodernmet.com/kintsugi-kintsukuroi/, the Japanese philosophies behind Kintsugi are wabi-sabi (seeing beauty in the imperfect), mottainai (regret for something wasted) and mushin (acceptance of change). These philosophies brought to mind our family’s cancer journey, the unexpected joys that we have experienced as a result of Jeff’s flawed chromosomes, the extreme measures taken by medical professionals to prevent wasting a life, and the acceptance that life will never be the same. I thought, too, of how I once only pitied people who were bald from chemo and how I have come to see them as beautiful – perhaps temporarily weak with cracks but strong, too, beautiful in their ability to endure the indignities of treatment.
Jeff’s “gold” runs through his veins and is, perhaps, not visible to all but lovely just the same, being made continuously by marrow donated by the lovely Nicole. The list of golden crack-fillers who touch our circle of family and friends is expanding. Niece Amy Lyn told us that one of her coworkers who’d registered with Be the Match got a call that he is a potential match! And at the Be the Match Walk/Run in April we saw my coworker, Sophia, whose daughter donated marrow on the same day that Amy Lyn donated!
It has been awhile since we blogged, so here is an update on Jeff’s health:
Jeff marked the 7th anniversary of his bone marrow transplant on May 27th. His hematology oncologist and kidney doc are both very happy and so, then, are we.
The dermatologist froze spots on his face and arm and biopsied a spot on his leg. We are awaiting results without too much concern about it.
A varicose vein in his right leg was sealed off – a procedure done by the vein specialist while an ultrasound technician acted as back-seat driver, “Go left… go around the bend…” The left leg will be done in August. With luck, this will alleviate some of the leg cramps that regularly interrupt Jeff’s sleep (and occasionally mine, too, when he inhales quickly and leaps to his feet).
Jeff teased that I would have to return to an active role as caregiver for the weekend following the vein procedure. I was happy to perform the role, especially since this time it was light duty and because he asked with his usual charm and wit. We continue to draw on the lessons we learned from Jeff’s cancer experience as we face other of life’s challenges. Keep at it and keep on laughing!
