The Luck of the Irish

While I watched the start of the St. Patrick’s Day Parade in the family room at the hospital, Jeff had his bone marrow biopsy.  We are hoping for the luck of the Irish!  Results will be available late tomorrow or Monday. 

Jeff was cranky yesterday for the first time since he has been in the hospital.  It wasn’t too hard to take since Jeff’s cranky would be considered normal for some people.  He could still crack jokes with the nurses and his visitors.  Certainly he has had a reason to be cranky before now.  I know he is nervous about the biopsy and really uncomfortable with his stomach distended.  His stomach pain impairs his ability to bend which makes it difficult to get in and out of bed or to move much at all.  He is absolutely amazed that he has been on a liquid diet for four days and doesn’t even care.  During his biopsy today, he fantasized that the needle went through his hip into his colon/bowel and psssssssst, deflated it like a balloon.  He asked me to bring a tape measure so he can measure his stomach as it deflates.

Fever dreams are always interesting.  Jeff had a sore mouth and his tongue was a little puffy on one side so he dreamed that he was talking funny and no one could understand him (maybe like Tracy’s granddaughter, Hailey, saying the Pledge of Allegiance, Blah-blah-blah-ba-ba, blah-blah-blah…).  In another of his dreams he attempted to compartmentalize his body parts in boxes made of Tetris shapes, all of which had to be filled with the right part.  His legs needed to be positioned just so, so that they would make black lines to form a V or a triangle.  The poor guy was probably just trying to get comfortable in his sleep.

There have been many competent, friendly nurses on duty but there was one unpleasant student nurse who, unfortunately, may have been led down the wrong career path.  She is a senior but not very skilled with the stethoscope; it took her a long time to get Jeff’s vital signs.  She goofed up the pump on one of Jeff’s IV bags which required a couple of nurses to troubleshoot.  Her teacher chided her for putting our lovely blue plastic gowns in the wrong trash container, “They’re hazardous waste.”  The other students try to help her and she treats them gruffly.  At one point she said, in a nasty tone, “What did I do wrong now?”  While I was out of the room, she visited Jeff to “do an assessment.”  He expected her to listen to his lungs, check his legs for swelling or take his vital signs.  Instead, she took out a pen flashlight and, after several tries, got it to turn on.  Then she aimed it at Jeff’s eyes and said, “Open wide.”  Jeff was momentarily confused by her request and, thinking that he was obeying her, he shut his eyes.  After several seconds he realized his mistake, opened his eyes, laughed out loud and apologized.  He said she did not find it humorous at all and looked like she didn’t know what to do.  Nancy and I thought that we would open our mouths if we were asked to “Open wide.”  Ah, well, maybe she can sell pharmaceuticals or something…