Day 267 – Thick Skin, Thin Skin

Jeff received high doses of Methotrexate as part of his treatment in the hospital last May and June.  This week’s news reports that there is a shortage of Methotrexate, used for treatment of pediatric leukemia, hit me like a brick.  I have strange, mixed feelings about the news.  Can I describe it as stingy? grateful that Jeff got what he needed? empathy for the kids who are waiting for their supplies? pity for their parents?  anger at the the drug companies who should have foreseen the problem?  It turns my stomach to think about it.  I wonder whether there is a suitable substitute for adult patients and whether Jeff’s transplant would have been possible without it. 

Jeff has still not made an appointment with the podiatrist because he is not looking forward to treatment for his ingrown toenail.  He is afraid the podiatrist will remove the young, thin toenail and he’ll have to start growing yet another one.  Some days it oozes so he really cannot put it off much longer.

His fingernails, too, are still paper-thin.  He isn’t wearing Band Aids to protect them as often as he had been but the nails still tend to fold over and split.  He keeps nail files around the house for his constant “preening.”  Despite his weak nails, he rubs my back on occasion.  One night he scratched my back, truly believing he was doing a nice thing for me.  I appreciated his thoughtfulness and did not want to tell him how much his sharp nails hurt.  I foolishly kept my mouth shut.  The next day he saw my back and said, “It looks like you’ve been whipped.  Is that from me?!” 

I related this story to Kerry, Keith and Theresa when they were here for dinner.  I told them how easily Jeff can cut his face, sometimes just with a simple gesture of running his hand along his forehead.  I told them that, when they were newborn, we used to put socks on their little hands to prevent their tiny fingernails from scratching their faces.  Keith asked, “Are you suggesting we put socks on Dad’s hands?”  Honestly, it had crossed my mind. 

While crawling around on the floor doing some repair job or another, Jeff rubbed the skin off his elbows.  He wasn’t even aware he had done this until he showered that night.  He said he thinks his skin is thin and more susceptible than usual to a little brush burn.  And so, here is another way Jeff and I are (or have?) Yin and Yang: thin skin and thick skin.