Find Your Gift and Give It Away

While watching the news one day in the 1990s I saw a woman making a plea for bone marrow donors so that her son could live.  I had young children at the time and I remember being impressed by her gumption and also afraid that her efforts would not be enough to save her son.  The news anchor moved on to another story but I continued to think about Arlene Feinberg and her son, Jay.  Of course, I didn’t know then that she would eventually save her son - and my husband, Jeff, too.

Our relationship with Gift of Life Bone Marrow Foundation began two years ago when Jeff’s donor, Nicole, told us that she had swabbed and then donated marrow through Gift of Life.  Since then we have met several staff members (many with personal reasons for their involvement with Gift of Life) and a few donors and recipients.  We’d heard the Partners for Life Gala described as an emotional event, attended by many donors (of both varieties: marrow and money) and recipients and so we gladly accepted the invitation to this year’s event.

A Nicole Sandwich

The gala was held in New York City at the beautiful Grand Hyatt.  After stopping at the check-in table where we saw familiar faces, Anita and Marti, we turned toward the entrance to the banquet room.  There, on an easel by the door, was the beautiful picture of Jeff and Nicole taken the day they met at the New Jersey Walk for Life.  Beneath the picture was a Picasso quote, “The meaning of life is to find your gift.  The purpose of life is to give it away.”  I told Jeff to stand next to the picture and make a Nicole Sandwich.  I snapped a shot and sent it to Nicole by text message, “Wish you were here.”  Later, staffers Alec and Greg mentioned that this larger-than-life image of Nicole and Jeff greet them every day when they arrive at the office in Boca Raton.  

The bone marrow donors and recipients wore name tags which facilitated our asking about their experiences.  One woman attended the gala with her mother despite a sad outcome for her recipient, a child.  I asked the mother how the donation process was from her perspective.  Like Nicole’s mother, she was worried about her daughter (her only child) but supported her throughout.   

Fun and fabulous hors d’oeuvres were served and we found ourselves seated with the emcee’s mother.  Along came her son who greeted his mother warmly.  She handed me her cell phone and asked me if I would take their picture.  As I framed the shot I heard someone at my ear, “After you…”  It was one of the photographers covering the event and I felt a little silly standing between him and the shot he would take.  I finished, stepped aside to let him get his shot and returned the cell phone to its owner.  I thought of my coworkers - Survivor fans - would have taken advantage of the opportunity to have a picture taken with Ethan Zohn, the winner of Survivor: Africa (and himself a stem cell transplant recipient).  His mother proudly told us that he used his Survivor winnings to start a charity, Grassroot Soccer, to educate kids about AIDS.  Nice!

We shared a dinner table with a brother and sister (a recipient) who are emotionally close but, the caring brother reported, not geographically close enough for the ordeal of bone marrow transplantation.  We watched as three more donor/recipient pairs met for the first time.  I marveled that the gift can be given by an adult to a child, a young man to a 50-something woman. Oh, the power of that magic juice, the right DNA!

I joined the line of spectators as the donor/recipient group photo was being organized.  I learned about a man in the group who was first a donor, then a recipient!  I watched Eve, an 11-year-old Scottish girl, become antsy as the photographers staged the photo.  The poor thing was still on Scotland time but with encouragement from her donor Mickey, who she’d only just met, she managed to stick around long enough to be included in the picture.

Jeff was feeling the lack of a yarmulke but I pointed out there was a man in a kilt and another wearing sneakers with his suit (proof that when you have treatment-related neuropathy you go with comfort over fashion - although Jeff is a hard sell on this point).  Jeff is just one of many people saved by the determination and persistence of Arlene and Jay Feinberg and Gift of Life – yarmulke or no.  Jay marked his 20 years’ survival with a quip, “Ethan, I’ve done a lot of things to survive.. but I would never eat bugs.”

The gala to me was a room full of grateful people - not just the recipients but also donors who have had a rare opportunity to save someone’s life and the honorees whose work on behalf of Gift of Life is a response to their gratitude to the organization.  Tissues provided at every table were put to good use – at least at ours!