Day Zero Plus Ninety-eight – Big Toe Trouble

Somewhere along the line we learned that cancer patients get chemo lines on their fingernails.  At one point Jeff had two – one from his March in-patient chemotherapy and another from his pre-transplant conditioning in May.  The March line has grown out and his May line is half-way up the nail. 

Awhile ago Jeff wore newish sneakers when we went for a longish walk.  That resulted in a bruise on the side of his big toe.  This week that same toenail lifted off the nailbed and became infected.  This was a source of some concern so Jeff called Dr. Porter’s office to report the problem.  Nurse Heather said that Jeff had done exactly what he should have done – apply antibiotic ointment and a Band-aid.  We are to watch for fever which we do anyway by taking his temperature at least two times a day.  It looks like he will lose the toenail so this may continue to be an issue.

It seems so silly to report an infected toe.  It reminded me of Kim’s wart report that she “filed” with her friend, Ali, when they were going to school in different cities.  Kim periodically sent Ali photos of the wart on her thumb so Ali could continue to watch its progress.  Ew.  I have seen some cancer blogs which include photos of the patient’s bald head, skin flaking off and various other physical changes.  I can’t bring myself to do that.  Maybe that is because I am not the patient.  If you want to see gross pictures, you might Google “GVHD toenail images.”  No URL is provided here. 

I have noticed that the week or two before significant events in Jeff’s treatment are particularly stressful for me.  Next week’s bone marrow biopsy is weighing heavily on me and the anxiety is settling in my jaw.  Evidently, I clench my teeth.  Chewing gum helps a little.  My concentration is affected both at work and at home.  Paying bills has become difficult and I worry about money even though that has not been an issue.  A visit to my sister Judy’s house tonight provided some relief – laughter really is the best medicine – but I worried that I wasn’t good company. 

Jeff, on the other hand, seems to handle these periods with much less anxiety.  I’d like to borrow some of his Zen.  Once again, because we tend not to have simultaneous freak-outs, we complement each other very well. 

Hair-watchers may like to know the velvet tresses are about 5/8” long and still chameleon-hued: blonde, gray, brown.  Jeff now weighs 196 pounds for a total loss of 37 pounds.  Tonight he had an “illegal meal,” a take-out Philly cheesesteak.  So far, so good.